One Day in My Life

7:45 a.m. Awaken to the sound of Finnick crying and Andy saying he needs to potty 7:47 a.m. Andy potties 7:50 a.m. Rescue Finnick from crib and change diaper 8:00-8:30 a.m. Continuously beg Finnick to drink bottle. Remind constantly (though he doesn’t understand a word being said) that we are on a schedule today, and we will soon be departing the house and entering the world of NO FOOD until we return home 8:31 a.m. Return nearly-full bottle to fridge 8:35-9:00 a.m. Continuously beg Andy to eat breakfast and drink something (even though I understand he was sick last night and he’s not too keen on nourishment today). Remind constantly that we are on a schedule today, and we will soon be departing the house and entering the world of NO FOOD until we return home 9:01 a.m. Give up on Andy after finally consuming ¼ cup Gatorade and 2 crackers 9:05 a.m. Change another diaper, and get Finnick dressed 9:10 a.m. Get Andy dressed 9:15 a.m. Re-dress Finnick due to wardrobe malfunction involving lounging on top of recently removed diaper 9:20-9:40 a.m. Get myself dressed and ready to depart house 9:45-9:50 a.m. Begin the scavenger hunt for 2 matching sets of kids’ shoes, and put them on feet 9:55 a.m. Load up van, depart for school 10:00 a.m. Call pediatrician’s office on the way for advice on fever reduction, receive surprise news—he needs to come in for a Strep test 10:20 a.m. Drop “Sam” at school 10:30-11:00 a.m. Waste time around town til pediatric appointment since not enough time to travel back home 11:15-12:15 p.m. Hang out in the pediatric  waiting room—Name  every fish in the office  aquarium; read every  picture book in the  waiting room; spell  every family member’s  name on the Magna  Doodle; play “Guess  What This Picture Is?”  on  the Magna Doodle;  family bathroom break;  sing B-I-N-G-O twenty  times 12:16-12:20 p.m. Consult with the pediatrician 12:21 p.m. Pediatrician hands both children suckers before departing to perform Strep test 12:22-12:30 p.m. Wait for Strep results--Follow Finnick around waiting room with baby wipes mopping up bright yellow sucker spit 12:31 p.m. Receive a negative Strep result 12:32 p.m. Wrestle remaining sucker from Finnick’s death grip, baby wipe sponge bath to remove sucker residue 12:35 p.m. Depart pediatrician’s office, head towards pharmacy to drop off prescriptions 12:40 p.m. Receive text from “Sam” asking to be picked up at 2:00 rather than 1:15 1:00 p.m. Land at Dairy Queen for lunch since not enough time to travel back home 1:05 p.m. Family potty break--super duper automatic hand dryer startles both children, resulting in two loudly wailing children exiting restroom 1:10-2:00 p.m. Lunch--Andy blows on shared chicken basket to cool it off resulting in spit flying onto every piece; squealing contest between the children; Andy demonstrates how to perform push-ups on the booth bench; Finnick waves and "talks" to every guest on our side of the restaurant; Finnick throws the remainder of his lunch onto the floor; Andy receives his Star Kiss "popsicle" and is immediately covered in hot pink stickiness, as is our booth; Finnick begs loudly for Andy's Star Kiss; Finnick dumps his water in his lap and on the table 2:01 p.m. Depart Dairy Queen, never to return 2:05 p.m. Receive call from hubby, offers to pick up “Sam”; Head home 2:40 p.m. Arrive at home 2:45 p.m. Diaper change, lay Finnick down for nap 2:50 p.m. Get Andy settled on couch with a cartoon for rest time; Hubby arrives home with “Sam” 2:50-3:45 p.m. Finnick rolls, screams, laughs, squeals, jumps, bangs, and otherwise avoids sleep from within crib; Andy asks repeatedly if rest time is over 3:46-4:30 p.m. Finnick falls asleep; Hubby takes a nap; “Sam” takes a nap; Andy continues to ask if rest time is over 4:35 p.m. Hubby awakens; Andy is released from couch imprisonment and begins to ride scooter back and forth from parents’ bedroom to living room 4:40 p.m. Andy crashes into the living room closet; Finnick awakens 4:50 p.m. Finnick is rescued from crib, diaper change 4:51-4:55 p.m. Scavenger hunt for a clean bottle 4:55 p.m. Scavenger hunt is  abandoned; milk is  poured into a sippy  cup instead; milk begins  to gush out of sippy cup  onto the floor/countertop  due to unnoticed crack in  cup; grab the first clean  container within reach,  which turns out to be the  lid to a tea pitcher with  two pour holes; handed  another cup by hubby and  pour in what is left of the milk; Finnick bawls his  head off and screams  “Bottle!” during this  entire process 4:56 p.m. Working sippy cup is found; forgets that there is freshly salvaged milk in the cup and pour fresh milk from the carton, leaving the salvaged milk to sour on the counter 4:57-5:05 p.m. Try to convince Finnick that sippy cup milk is exactly the same as bottle milk 5:06 p.m. Put a mostly-full sippy cup of milk in the fridge 5:07-5:35 p.m. Hubby gets ready for a school function; Mama helps Andy put together a puzzle; Finnick plays “Destroy the Puzzle”; lots of tears and physical violence 5:36 p.m. Command decision from Mama that puzzle time is over; Hubby escapes to school 5:37-5:50 p.m. Prepare dinner—Finnick pulls plates off the counter and spills food all over himself and the floor; Mama steps in applesauce while trying to clean up; Andy asks “How much longer?” six million times 5:51-6:20 p.m. Dinner—Andy and Mama eat like civilized folks; Finnick throws his food on the floor; Finnick wipes food in his hair; Finnick spits food onto Mama 6:25-6:50 p.m. Bath Time for childre —non-stop splashing and  fighting over bath toys;  Finnick eats the bubbles  from the bubble bath;  Andy screams bloody  murder over having to have his hair washed;  towel is dropped in tub;  entire bathroom is  flooded; Mama is drenched 6:55 p.m. Children into pajamas 7:10 p.m. Turn on show for Andy to wind down; final attempt to get Finnick to drink milk; experience success with the milk for the first time today 7:20 p.m. Final diaper change for Finnick before being put down for the night 7:30-8:30 p.m. Snuggle and watch show with Andy 8:35 p.m. Final potty break for  Andy; Andy to bed 8:36-9:00 p.m. Re-put Andy to bed; and again; and again; and again 9:01 p.m. Threaten bodily harm if he gets up again; silence for the first time since awakening 9:02-9:30 p.m. Check email; scroll through Facebook 9:30ish p.m. Hubby arrives home;  attempts flirtation with  wife; receives a  less-than-pleasant look;  opts for TV time instead 10:00 p.m. Crash and burn Midnight Pregnancy pee emergency 2:00 a.m. Pregnancy pee emergency 3:00 a.m. Husband sleepwalks 4:00 a.m. Pregnancy pee emergency 5:00 a.m. Andy climbs into bed with Mama and Daddy 6:00 a.m. Pregnancy pee emergency 7:45 a.m. Awaken to the sound of Finnick crying and Andy saying he needs to potty