You know how there’s always THAT KID that other parents don’t
want THEIR KID associating with? The one that’s a bad influence, is always in trouble,
has issues with authority, consistently displays poor judgment, maybe dresses a
little too wild, etc. It’s hard enough to enforce any attempts to keep them
apart when they spend hours without parental interference at school and
extracurricular activities… But what do you do when they live together?
WHAT DO YOU DO when they’re BROTHERS??????????
Honestly, I don’t even know which kid is the “good” one and
which is the “bad” one anymore. All I know is that BOTH OF THEM are constantly
into SOMETHING. And the SOMETHING is always more ridiculous than anything that
either of them could have come up with on their own. They just feed off of each
other 24/7/365.
For example:
Normal
children strip down naked and run about the house laughing. It’s not something
we encourage, but it’s not something to get alarmed about either.
MY children
strip down naked OUTSIDE. Then they convince each other to throw their clothes
onto the roof of the house to rot during the next thunderstorm whilst they clog
up the gutters. Then they pee on each other. Again, all outside for the
neighbors to see. Because we definitely needed another reason for the neighbors
to consider calling CPS.
For another
example:
Normal
children will either step on a bug to squish it, or they will run to an adult
and ask them to squish it.
MY children
HUNT bugs to kill. And not just at home, no sirree. They stalk bugs in public
locals, such as the OB office, where they stand atop the nice, cushioned,
waiting room chairs on tiptoe after ripping off their shoes. And there, they bang the life
out of the harmless cricket that is unfortunate enough to be on the wall above
their head until it falls to the floor in complete and utter dead-ness. And
then they stomp it some more, just in case.
For yet another
example:
Normal
children jump on the bed. Again, it’s not a behavior we encourage, but we don’t
freak out too much since it’s completely normal.
MY children start
out jumping on the bed. Then they convince each other to push the beds close
enough to jump from one bed to the other while performing ninja moves. Then
they steal the slats from under the bed and build a plank connecting the two
headboards where they walk precariously on a 4-inch-width piece of splintery
wood from one headboard to the other where they will dive onto the mattress.
And probably perform a somersault on the way down.
See? Do you
see how things spiral out of control? It’s insane! And the worst part: they are
starting to drag the baby into their crazy.
Yesterday,
when the older two stripped down naked, they stripped the baby down naked too.
I do not know why. I will NEVER understand why children—especially BOY children—are
obsessed with naked behinds. But they are, and they apparently drag others into
the madness as early as possible. (As a side note, in addition to stripping him
stark, raving naked, they have taught him the word “poo poo”. My sweet,
precious child knows a whopping 5 words or so, all of which he says in this
super cute little baby voice. Yet now he can participate in the potty humor.
Yippee skippee.)
Today, the
baby climbed right on top of that headboard with his two big brothers, ready to
walk the Plank of Death right alongside them. Thankfully, I was able to grab
him and get him back to safety before an ER visit was necessitated. But I feel
one is on the horizon.
