Thursday, April 21, 2016

Mother's Day: What she might want this year...

It’s almost that time again! That’s right, folks! We are a mere two weeks out from MOTHER’S DAY! That magical day where every mother remembers the beautiful, miraculous births of her precious angels. That sweet, full day of being honored and thanked for the endless sacrifices she makes daily for her family. That special day where she will receive thoughtful gifts from her children and her supportive husband, both of whom will rise up on this glorious day of days to call her Blessed!

Um, no.

If your family is anything like mine, then you already know that hubby is going to forget all about Mother’s Day until the preacher starts in on his annual Mother’s Day sermon. And the only homemade gifts your kids are likely to make are the coloring pages they do during Sunday School while Dad was sweating it out in ‘Big Church’, wondering how he’s going to manage to come up with a gift by the time you all get home when you’ve ridden WITH HIM to church.

But listen, dads, I don’t really blame you. I know that you get thoughtful Hallmark cards and homemade gifts with the kids’ handprint and your favorite meal cooked every year for Fathers’ Day. But let’s be honest: some of those super-sweet crafts are a result of necessary structured time to dial down the chaos during hours and hours of summer boredom and mischief. And the card was the result of being desperate to get out of the house, even if it meant dragging kids along. And the favorite meal? Well, that’s because your wife is a total GODDESS and you’re lucky to have her.

Nonetheless, I get that finger paint and stickers and the like are probably not your thing. And maybe you have ZERO ideas what your wife wants from you on Mother’s Day. After all, she’s not YOUR mother. So what exactly is your role here, anyway? (We all know that particular excuse translates into “I forgot about Mother’s Day”, so give that one up…)

To help you out, I’ve compiled a list of a few things your wife might enjoy this year on her special day.

1.      A DAY OFF.
Men, hear me: “A Day Off” does NOT mean that you load all the kiddos up for some fantastic, dream day of FUN while Mom stays home. (Please refer to the episode of The Middle where Mike makes this mistake…) No, no, no. It is very likely, especially if Mom stays home with the kids while you work every day, that you are already labeled “Fun Daddy” while she is the disciplinarian, the business, the chores and daily drudgery. The LAST THING ON EARTH she desires for Mother’s Day is to add to that perception that only Daddy is fun.

Do you want to know what kind of day off Mama needs? A day off from calling kids down. A day off from changing diapers. A day off from eating cold food because she helped everyone’s plates and got everyone’s drinks and cleaned up two spills and found everyone a napkin and then got everyone’s refills AND THEN finally got to sit down to eat her own food. Mama needs a day to ENJOY THE FAMILY FUN without being in charge of ANYTHING.

2.      A hot shower or bubble bath… ALONE!
Dude. Don’t you DARE try to turn this gift into some romance time for you. Don’t. You. Dare.
That woman has had people trying to hop into the shower with her all year long. Let the poor woman have a hot shower where she has time to wash her hair AND shave her legs without people knocking down the door to ask a billion questions or find out when she’ll be done. You can benefit from the smooth legs and the absence of the smell of spit up later. 

3.      Every stitch of laundry in the whole house CLEAN and PUT AWAY.
 And no, you cannot spend the whole of Mother’s Day dealing with the piles while she deals with kids. This is a plan-ahead kind of gift. Good luck! 

 If your wife is a stay-at-home mom, chances are the vast majority of her wardrobe consists of pajamas, stretched out shirts from years of nursing, and a variety of otherwise stained, ripped, and/or mutilated garments. Missing that fun, sexy woman that you married all those years ago? Buy the woman a bra that fits and some decent clothes to wear over it. (Well, YOU probably shouldn’t buy it. Maybe take her shopping, or just keep the kids and let her go alone…) 

5.      Some TLC
 Moms spend the majority of their time worrying over and taking care of their families. So get your woman a massage, a manicure, a pedicure, a day at the spa... And if you can’t afford the real deal, do it yourself.

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